Exciting Ohio

Well, another day inches along at the rents' place. Time is flying while at the same time seeming to stand still. I didn't expect to be keeping as busy as I have been since graduating and leaving Athens but I'm definitely ready for a change. Moving back in with my parents has been surprisingly relaxing but also a frustration. Everyday things are alright I suppose; you can't beat the endless coffee, 3 squares a day, and lack of utility bills, and living someplace that isn't most likely to collapse within the decade is certainly a perk. It's just the transition from living on my own/surrounded by only people my own age for four years to living with my mom breathing down my neck at every turn and volunteering me for all sorts of family activities that sometimes makes me want to scream.

In the past six months I have officially made plans to move to Senegal, China, anywhere Peace Corps, Connecticut, Los Angeles, and now possibly New York. I am a mess. The level of freedom after college is somewhat daunting. To actually be capable of choosing anyplace in the world to start a new life is a strange sensation. Getting out of college is not at all like I expected, though. Or maybe it's just not what I'd hoped for. Every job, even administrative, wants you to have 5 years experience in the field but how is anyone supposed to get that experience if no one will hire a new graduate? I've gotten so used to rejection in the past 2 months it's not funny. I'm sick to death of revising my cover letter and sending out my resume, of interviewing over the phone and anyplace else. Hell, I had a four hour second round interview in Los Angeles and didn't get an offer. How discouraging! I just want a job before I get trapped in Ohio like so many people do. Right now I'm pretty broke but at least my loans are still deferred. I did so many things in college I just don't know what more I could possibly do to be a better candidate for the positions I want.

After my trip to LA I had decided, for certain, that I was just going to get in my car and drive across the country, move in with my brother and hope for a job. I was disappointed not to have found a decent one while I was out there but it was a relief to really decide on a place. Then, out of the blue I get this e-mail from the human rights organization WITNESS asking me if I want to interview for their administrative/outreach position. It couldn't be a more perfect job but it's located in New York. Now all I can do is sit waiting to hear from them to decide between living in two very different and distant locations. A part of me is sad because I so desperately want to go to Los Angeles where it's sunny and people are laid-back but the rest of me intensely wants this job.

I don't know what it is about myself and Ohio but the place just isn't for me. I mean, I love it here and when I get away for awhile I always appreciate coming back. I'm just burned-out on the small town thing. I need commotion and... well, stuff to do! I think I just have this distinct fear of becoming like George Bailey. I've been so lucky to do all the traveling I've done but I fear winding up stuck here because of this or that. I know that in the end George realized that staying put gave him the "wonderful" life but I always felt sad for him. I couldn't help wondering what his life would have been like if he had gotten to use the engraved suitcase and had been able to fulfill all the dreams he had from his subscription to National Geographic. I just think that life might've had more to offer him than Bedford Falls and the rest of the world has more for me than Ohio.

But man, what a conundrum...