Everything is going pretty well. I am still feeling a little stuck but I'm getting used to the idea of my own company being enough.
So, I work at Peace Action. I guess this makes me a 'peacenik'. I am frustrated with the word peace. Seriously, it's the most jaded word I can think of. The very sound of it to my ears evokes all the wrong imagery and I know that it must do worse things for those who are much less progressive than I. When I think of peace I think of a white dove, a bunch of long-haired bare-footed young people with flowers in their hair, of large protests with people singing songs.
These images are not effective. As an activist I am incredibly frustrated by the labels I am given. My life has led me in a direction and caused me to fall in love with Africa. I am fated to always feel that I bear some responsibility there. I wound up working at Peace Action almost by accident but I am learning so much and am grateful for becoming intimate with the organization. Yet, I am ashamed to say that being a peace activist is almost the worst sort. I am regarded as a hippie, liberal, brainwashed, tree-hugger, an extremist. My father says that 'they've really got me'. They being those of the mindset that the United States is not the great nation that so many perceive her to be, or rather, blindly accept her as. Those who believe that there are many solutions to problems besides war and destruction. Believing that it is possible to exist without war is seen as idealist, impossible, silly. What about the lunacy of war? Why the universal acceptance of such barbaric, unnatural behavior as that?
I am not making myself very clear perhaps because this is such a big idea that I am trying to convey. The fact is that I am considered "very left wing" and "stubborn" by many people and this is something I disdain. The fact is that I am a humanitarian to the very core. I believe that 'peace' is not enough of a word to describe what it attempts to. Perhaps there simply isn't one word that can be so all inclusive. Peace is more than the absence of war. It is the existence of equality, security, justice.
Often during the course of the Bush regime we have been inundated with these messages of fear and national security and defense to protect our citizens from the terrorists who wait to pounce on us at the moment we let our guard down. What I don't hear is people making the intrinsic connection of terrorism to the world system that we have created which oppresses so many and benefits so few. What meaning do three thousand Americans working in the trade towers have to some men whose families and people have suffered so much more deeply from the policies imposed on them by the developed world? I am fully aware of how controversial that observation is and that is because so many people in this country have truly bought into the rhetoric they've been handed since childhood, the distorted history, the powerful notion of patriotism, and the unpopularness of being outside the box of accepting those things as they are.
I mean, it wasn't until recently that I became bold enough to express myself and my opinions about these kinds of things publicly. Still I face resistance from my own friends and family for caring about what matters. So, when I turn a conversation about the size of the rock on everyone's engagement rings into a discussion of how diamonds have no link to love and marriage and actually have caused a tremendous deal of suffering in Africa and Asia, I am seen as the downer. It is more 'cool' to be ignorant, to be immersed in the pop culture, to be unconcerned about politics and world affairs. And to participate in democracy... well who does that?! It's not as if we have control over anything, right?
I wish I could spend months just sitting and calling Americans all over the country and asking them what they thought about the world. They would all complain, at least most of them, about how things are going. Many of them would even claim it's hopeless and helpless. But, I would almost guarantee that the majority of them would have done nothing about it. They may be sitting and watching CNN and learning about the death of Heath Ledger and not even notice how long that has been consuming the network's attention, as well as their own.
I felt a few brief moments of grief when I read of Ledger's passing. He was, after all, a target for teenage girlhood infatuation and I do own 10 Things I Hate About You but he is also just one man. Only one man of many who died tragically on January 22. There are thirty American casualties in this month alone in the Iraqi and Afghanistan wars. Countless individuals in those two nations have also fallen victim to these unneeded wars. That's 30 faces that were fresh and young just like Ledger's; thirty people with tremendous potential if only their energies had been focused elsewhere.
There is a campaign against us. A campaign to keep us unaware. To change the definition of news and information. To change the definition of democracy. I know there are a lot of people out there who believe that it's quite naive to think that life without war is possible. I am not necessarily saying that it is. It definitely is not possible at this moment in time all over the world to have complete peace, but I don't see why it is not possible at some point in the future, and to some extent beginning now.
The thing is that war is the most primitive of our human behaviors. We try murderers as the utmost of criminals. Those who have taken the lives of innocents without provocation. We have evolved to that level of intelligence, where we possess enough of the things we need in a society to never have a need to kill someone for one's own survival. We have even come to a place where we begin to question the humanity of purposeful killing of those we deem as the worst of criminals. And yet, we still stand on battlefields possessing ever new technologies of how to kill people in all the worst ways. In battlefields those who kill the innocent are valiant warriors. But we are no longer fighting for survival. It is not a time for us or them. We can all exist here together, as long as we are willing to share.
So as war is allowed to keep happening and we remain oblivious to the tragedies of our world, tragedies that we share a role in creating, I grow more fearful for the fate of our species. We are determined to become more globalized, more connected, while at the same time trying harder and harder to protect ourselves from one another. Building defenses, weapons that could cause ultimate destruction, armies, and wars.
Where is the anger? Why isn't anyone making noise about the preposterousness of this world? Why should a few people sitting in $1,000 suits in closed-door meetings be deciding the fates of nations? Why are we ignoring our role?
When I was in college I thought many times how I wished so much to have been alive in the late 60s. To have seen how everyone came together for change. Hunter S. Thompson captured it best in Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas,
"Strange memories on this nervous night in Las Vegas. Five years later? Six? It seems like a lifetime, or at least a Main Era—the kind of peak that never comes again. San Francisco in the middle sixties was a very special time and place to be a part of. Maybe it meant something. Maybe not, in the long run . . . but no explanation, no mix of words or music or memories can touch that sense of knowing that you were there and alive in that corner of time and the world. Whatever it meant. . . .
History is hard to know, because of all the hired bullshit, but even without being sure of “history” it seems entirely reasonable to think that every now and then the energy of a whole generation comes to a head in a long fine flash, for reasons that nobody really understands at the time—and which never explain, in retrospect, what actually happened.
My central memory of that time seems to hang on one or five or maybe forty nights—or very early mornings—when I left the Fillmore half-crazy and, instead of going home, aimed the big 650 Lightning across the Bay Bridge at a hundred miles an hour wearing L. L. Bean shorts and a Butte sheepherder's jacket . . . booming through the Treasure Island tunnel at the lights of Oakland and Berkeley and Richmond, not quite sure which turn-off to take when I got to the other end (always stalling at the toll-gate, too twisted to find neutral while I fumbled for change) . . . but being absolutely certain that no matter which way I went I would come to a place where people were just as high and wild as I was: No doubt at all about that. . . .
There was madness in any direction, at any hour. If not across the Bay, then up the Golden Gate or down 101 to Los Altos or La Honda. . . . You could strike sparks anywhere. There was a fantastic universal sense that whatever we were doing was right, that we were winning. . . .
And that, I think, was the handle—that sense of inevitable victory over the forces of Old and Evil. Not in any mean or military sense; we didn’t need that. Our energy would simply prevail. There was no point in fighting—on our side or theirs. We had all the momentum; we were riding the crest of a high and beautiful wave. . . .
So now, less than five years later, you can go up on a steep hill in Las Vegas and look West, and with the right kind of eyes you can almost see the high-water mark—that place where the wave finally broke and rolled back."
I wanted so much to be a part of something like that. Yet, I recently watched the documentary 1968 and I began to change my mind. Martin Luther King Jr. had led a movement for civil rights and made strides, he then took a stance on the war in Vietnam and faced great resistance and animosity toward this 'switch' in his focus. However, he explained how his goals were always one and the same. The war in Vietnam was just an extension of American racism. Oppressing the weak and the poor. He made the decision that rather than pushing for civil rights he would sink to the roots of the problems, not just domestically, but with America relative to the world; he was going to take on structural violence. When he was shot that year the world cried. Then Bobby Kennedy was shot, the man who might have been nominated President and taken up MLK's mission. Thompson's wave not only rolled back, it rolled past where it had been to start with. Those who had valiantly sought to restructure the nation, challenging all that it was at that time, had been removed from the picture. The lifeblood and energy was sucked out of the movement and all shrunk back in shock and fear. Shrunk back so far that they are quiet even now. Perhaps it vacuumed out the hope when hope was all there really was.Certainly they must be out there. Those same activists who fought for civil rights, an end to Vietnam, women's right to vote. Where are all those voices now? Where is the energy and the movement? Why is there no revolution?
Obama won in South Carolina today. I am glad of that. He brings me a shred of optimism. Yet, I am still in great fear of our destiny. I don't believe we can really survive another President like George Bush. I believe that without beginning to set forth in a new direction soon that the United States is going to swiftly tumble, in my own lifetime. There is a Chinese proverb which states: "If we do not soon change our direction we will surely end up where we are headed". I am glad to be a part of the pull to change that direction, but I am unhappy with the connotations it brings to my life. How do we make peace cool? How do we make it right? It truly is the only thing that makes sense.